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My First Mammogram / Breast Squeeze!

breast cancer mammogram squeeze

This October for breast cancer awareness, I had my first mammogram. I should have had it two years ago, however it is never something that makes the top of my list.

The whole experience is interesting and at time daunting. I arrived in time for my appointment, and had to strip the top half of my clothing.

I was guided to where the imaging would take place. I quickly informed all and sundry that it was my first time and that they would have to explain what is going on.

“Does anyone in my family have cancer?” is the first question asked. I luckily don’t have any immediate family members who have had cancer so I have that in my favour.

So there I was, hugging a machine while the technician rearranged my breast. The pain that I had been warned about was minimal. I managed to withstand the squeeze. … Read the rest

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Houw Hoek Inn – Grabouw

houw hoek inn grabouw accommodation

I dragged my husband off for a night away at Houw Hoek Inn, situated in Grabouw.

The Houw Hoek Inn, built in 1779, is the oldest licensed hotel in South Africa. There is a mixing of old and new which has been done sympathetically and stepping through the door means stepping back in history.

Arriving at 2pm on Saturday, we had some delicious lunch. From now on, when we drive past, we will be stopping for lunch. After raving about lunch, we had a walk around the grounds. Again, this is a good mixture of old and new with old trees and manicured lawns.

We had booked for the Saturday Night Dinner and Dance, which is like a religion for the returning guests. Dinner consists of three courses, two served at your table and a buffet dessert. The dance starts at roughly 7:30pm and continues until about midnight.

Afterwards … Read the rest

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Trying to Find a Purpose in Life

purpose growth

My therapist has given me homework and now I have to start questioning my beliefs regarding my life purpose. This was due to me mentioning my haphazard search for life purpose on the internet. For instance, It seems that not even Google could answer my quest for a life purpose. So I now have answer one of the many questions I have found, to be discussed in the coming week’s therapy.

I stumbled across Mark Manson’s 7 questions which I am going to use his questions to complete the home work. So these are his questions and my answers because at this stage in my life, I am feeling strange and need the strange questions to figure it out.

Mark Manson’s 7 Strange Questions that Help you Find your Life Purpose

Question 1: WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF SHIT SANDWICH AND DOES IT COME WITH AN OLIVE?

Question 2: WHAT

… Read the rest
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Glamping – Smitswinkel Bay

For the long weekend in September, I had booked us in for a weekend at the SAN Parks camping area at Smitswinkel Bay. A glamping weekend.

I had made the booking in February via Cape Point Route as there was a discount special that was running.

We arrived on the Friday evening just before 5pm as the gates would be locked afterwards. In total there are 6 tents available and a communal boma which includes a kitchen and braai area. The allocation of the tents was on a first come first pick basis and we picked last. Our tent was closest to the boma.

Unfortunately over this weekend another family had taken the last remaining tents for a 50th birthday celebration. So we were rather the third wheel on the campsite and felt uncomfortable at times to make use of the communal areas.

Our glamping style tent.

The weather was … Read the rest

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Depression – The Life Purpose Question

The hardest part of having depression is knowing what your life purpose is. This is a notion I cling to, if I have a life purpose will I be happier and better?

This past week has been a hard week. It has been a week that I have not been able to explain why I feel the way I do, the emotional highs and lows were that much evident. I was lashing out.

I was in pain.

What makes this hard to appreciate is I don’t know why.

I can’t tell you or my husband why I was so angry over small slights. Why did I burst into tears because my team mates didn’t include me? It has just hung over me and continues to do so.

Definition of depression: A mental condition characterised by feelings of severe despondency and dejection, typically also with feelings of inadequacy and guilt, often

… Read the rest
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Wedding Quilt Guest Book

wedding quilt guest book
The well wishes from our family and friends made into a quilt.

Although together for 6 years, this September I have been married for two years to my wonderful second husband. I was so keen to have a different wedding, and one that spoke to us and of us.

Instead of a standard guest book, that I knew we would never look at ever again, I decided on a visual representation of our family and friends wishes and decided on a quilt.

A wedding quilt guest book!

Another project to the list of growing projects for our wedding. My then fiance busied himself in cutting up the material into squares. He muttered the whole time about how silly it is. I think he rather enjoyed seeing the end product.

It has taken me two years, but I finally and eventually got around to sewing it together. There is still the … Read the rest

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Imperfectly Perfect

In 2013 my mother suggested I enter the POWA request for stories for their anthology series. Below is what I submitted and although accepted, my story never reached print.

I can state with pride that I am imperfectly perfect.  It has taken a good number of years before I can say that I have reached this point.  My self-esteem has been trampled and my self-worth left in tatters.  This year is the year that I walked away from my ten year relationship and five of those years we were married.

It wasn’t an easy decision to make and I have doubted myself on many an occasion.  Like many in my situation the thought of leaving the known for the unknown was a daunting task.  And really did I have it so bad that I needed to leave?  I have asked myself whether my decision was an emotionally based decision.  And … Read the rest

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My Miscarriage and Divorce Experience

divorce

I filed for divorce in 2013 after my miscarriage.

I had met my previous husband in 2003, moved in with him in 2006. We were then married in 2008. and I now call it my 10 year mistake. There were warning signs that I didn’t take heed of or that I thought I could overcome. Turns out that I wasn’t strong enough.

My therapist is curious why I don’t discuss this period of my life, and why I shy away from disclosing my feelings / emotions during the time of the divorce. If I were to label the over-riding emotion, it would be sadness and disappointment. Disappointment in myself and with him.

No one marries with the intention of dissolving their marriage. And all I keep saying to myself is that I tried, I really tried to make it work, I really tried to put him first, I really tried … Read the rest

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New Cleaning Ritual

cleaning habit ritual

With no children, there is no responsibilities. This has led to a freedom of sorts that was starting to reflect in our household. We don’t have the responsibility of setting a good example so we just do what we want to do. This translates to no cleaning habit and ritual.

This may sound like an ideal way to live, but it is more like living like a teenager than an adult.

My therapist has said this could also be a sign of my depression level. I just think that I am lazy and have no need to do something I really don’t want to do. Although I may be flippant about our household and the cleanliness, it does cause some level of anxiety.

I didn’t enjoy coming home. We would do the obvious things, like the dishes, but there was a sense of disorder the minute I would enter. The … Read the rest

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Authentic Self

authentic self alone

I am currently in therapy due to being unable to cope with my infertility and for my struggle to be myself. I do not have an authentic self. Or I don’t know who my authentic self is.

Today’s session was a good one as in I was upbeat and shifting my perceptions. The session today dealt with being authentic to those in my life. I have developed a strong defence against the world and the people in my life. I don’t show my true emotions and minimise the effect of people’s words and actions.

My problem is that what I present to the world is self taught and has been a long time in making. I try not to be rude or impolite to people, thereby giving their feelings more importance than my own. I present a happy person, a person that has her life together and lives by principles.… Read the rest