Category: Therapy

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My Personal Values

So my understanding of my personal values is at times superficial and weightless. While having a conversation with a colleague, I made the statement that our priorities in life are based on what our values are. If we don’t know our personal values, then how do we know what our priorities are?

Personal values also ties in with trying to find a life purpose, and my previous post regarding that matter.

There is also a push to develop a mission statement for yourself based on these values.

I have at long last decided to have a look at my personal values, and craft a mission statement for myself.

The top ten things I value are:

  • Family
  • Home
  • Honesty
  • Loyalty
  • Compassion
  • Creativity
  • Fun / Light Hearted
  • Organised
  • Healthy
  • Self aware

Now these are words that I throw around, but my next thought was do I actually know the definition of the … Read the rest

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A Safe Place – My Oak Tree

safe place oak tree

I have started a writing course offered by the Life Righting Collective, and this is the first exercise in the course. It is based on the use of Morning Pages. This is my safe place.

The tall oak tree was there to be climbed.

It had stood outside my childhood bedroom window. Always whispering and rustling. It stood proud against the backdrop of the garden landscape.

I started climbing, feeling the rough bark beneath my young, soft hands. Stretching upwards to move from one sturdy branch to another with my shoe encased feet finding purchase.

The branches became smaller in circumference the bark smoother and less gnarled. The air was sweeter and crisper. The sounds of the ground life fading away. I climbed and climbed spurred on with the determination to conquer this mighty oak.

The ground looked so far away and the sky ever closer. As the … Read the rest

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Covid-19 and life changes

covid-19 coronovirus effect

I am by no means an expert on Covid-19, however, I like many have had to make changes to my life and household.

Life
  • News consumption
  • Routines
  • Depression

My news consumption has definitely changed during the hard lock down and subsequent relaxing of restrictions. My morning and evening routine is to check the numbers of cases, followed by the live news update and then checking my twitter feed.

Normally I avoid all news, as I enjoy being in an ignorant bubble. However this crisis has shaken me to come out my bubble. My heavy sighs has prompted my husband to threaten to take away my phone. It is scary out there, and I am dreading the day that the virus affects my family, colleagues and friends directly.

The routines that we now follow are all about minimising the risk of letting the virus enter this household. We are washing … Read the rest

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Fertility Decision Time!

fertility decision at a crossroads

I need to make a decision regarding my fertility and to weigh my options. This is according to my therapist. At the moment I am sitting in limbo. I am not going balls to the wall to fall pregnant i.e. fertility treatments, yet I am hopeful of falling pregnant but I am enjoying being child free and responsibility free.

I am in limbo. And it is causing me pain on an emotional level and stunting my growth as a person.

All that she has said, I cannot disagree with. Guess that is the benefit of therapy. There is a third party who is objective enough to tell you the hard truths.

My homework for this week is to create a pro’s and con’s list regarding having a child. I need to make a decision. Time is running out for me and she fears I am going to regret not trying … Read the rest

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Trying to Find a Purpose in Life

purpose growth

My therapist has given me homework and now I have to start questioning my beliefs regarding my life purpose. This was due to me mentioning my haphazard search for life purpose on the internet. For instance, It seems that not even Google could answer my quest for a life purpose. So I now have answer one of the many questions I have found, to be discussed in the coming week’s therapy.

I stumbled across Mark Manson’s 7 questions which I am going to use his questions to complete the home work. So these are his questions and my answers because at this stage in my life, I am feeling strange and need the strange questions to figure it out.

Mark Manson’s 7 Strange Questions that Help you Find your Life Purpose

Question 1: WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF SHIT SANDWICH AND DOES IT COME WITH AN OLIVE?

Question 2: WHAT

… Read the rest
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Depression – The Life Purpose Question

The hardest part of having depression is knowing what your life purpose is. This is a notion I cling to, if I have a life purpose will I be happier and better?

This past week has been a hard week. It has been a week that I have not been able to explain why I feel the way I do, the emotional highs and lows were that much evident. I was lashing out.

I was in pain.

What makes this hard to appreciate is I don’t know why.

I can’t tell you or my husband why I was so angry over small slights. Why did I burst into tears because my team mates didn’t include me? It has just hung over me and continues to do so.

Definition of depression: A mental condition characterised by feelings of severe despondency and dejection, typically also with feelings of inadequacy and guilt, often

… Read the rest
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Imperfectly Perfect

In 2013 my mother suggested I enter the POWA request for stories for their anthology series. Below is what I submitted and although accepted, my story never reached print.

I can state with pride that I am imperfectly perfect.  It has taken a good number of years before I can say that I have reached this point.  My self-esteem has been trampled and my self-worth left in tatters.  This year is the year that I walked away from my ten year relationship and five of those years we were married.

It wasn’t an easy decision to make and I have doubted myself on many an occasion.  Like many in my situation the thought of leaving the known for the unknown was a daunting task.  And really did I have it so bad that I needed to leave?  I have asked myself whether my decision was an emotionally based decision.  And … Read the rest

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Authentic Self

authentic self alone

I am currently in therapy due to being unable to cope with my infertility and for my struggle to be myself. I do not have an authentic self. Or I don’t know who my authentic self is.

Today’s session was a good one as in I was upbeat and shifting my perceptions. The session today dealt with being authentic to those in my life. I have developed a strong defence against the world and the people in my life. I don’t show my true emotions and minimise the effect of people’s words and actions.

My problem is that what I present to the world is self taught and has been a long time in making. I try not to be rude or impolite to people, thereby giving their feelings more importance than my own. I present a happy person, a person that has her life together and lives by principles.… Read the rest